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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %LETTING-GO GIVING FRIEND LOVER ADDICT CODEPENDENT 900509 A real process of letting-go of a friend or lover is more than the process of giving up having such a friend or lover. It is not a real process of letting-go if it is just a transition from having one friend or lover to having another friend or lover of the same kind in the same manner. The pain of the process of letting-go of a friend or lover has to do as much with the process of letting go of mis-beliefs about friendship and love, as it has to do with letting go of the particular person and relationship. The pain has to do with coming to terms with the truths that challenge the collusive games of mutual self deception which characterize addictive/codependent relationships. Addicts and codependents who are falsely in love cling to each other as means to defend their mis-beliefs about salvation through getting fixed. They help each other maintain their stance that they are victims who need help in getting fixed via techniques which compensate for their essential inadequacy. They clutch each other as fixes. Letting-go is most difficult for fully involved codependents and addicts who have been clutching each other as if their lives depended upon hanging on and continuing to control each other so as to find their salvation, meaning, significance, fix, fixation, completion, etc. in each other. Real letting-go is part of the recovery process from addictive/codependent relationships; it is part of giving up the notion that such relationships are worthy of respect and to be desired. It is more than letting go of a particular person. Letting-go is giving up fond myths about the desirability of the kind of falling-in-love which is really becoming entangled in an addictive/codependent relationships in which the friend/lover is the focus of addiction and dependency. Really letting-go is really sad and painful, because it means acknowledging that it is impossible to find another partner with whom to succeed in a similar relationship in spite of the fact that this relationship did not work-out and last as long as was desired. Really letting-go is giving up the comforts of our dishonest games of mutual self deception. The process of really letting-go opens up the possibility of discovering what real love is all about, but the promise of that discovery at first appears threatening and terrible; because it involves dealing honestly and openly with the truths which dash the high hopes and exciting expectations of the collusive, addictive and codependent living which is being let go. The process of really letting-go is a process of re- birth; being born anew, dying to the old self and relationships which were dishonest and lacked integrity. The process of really letting-go is the process of salvation and redemption in which false appearances are given up and replaced with paradoxical truths which often appear to be inconsistent with each other; and most certainly are inconsistent with the pseudo-truths of the false relationships of pseudo-love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================