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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SEXUAL MATURITY JUDGEMENT CONFUSION HONEST ADDICT 900429 There are many situations in which there is a need for sexually mature people to make integrative judgments regarding issues which directly or indirectly involve human sexuality. Such is the case in situations involving: sex education, pornography, demonstrations of affection, rape, incest, sexual violence, sexual domination, sexual addiction, abortion, sexual discrimination, frigidity, personal counseling, and judging who is sexually mature enough to be trusted with making such judgments. Since sexuality is essentially reflexive such judgments cannot properly be made on the basis of objective criteria by people operating within the objective paradigm. How are we to recognize who is sexually mature enough to be trusted with making judgments where there is need for such judgements? There is reason to have doubts about a person's sexual maturity if: 1) They have recently shown significant signs of any form of addiction or codependent behavior wherein dishonesty, confusion, and attempts to be in manipulative control play central roles. 2) They take advantage of others by leaving them with false impressions or take advantage of others by deliberately leading them to have false impressions. 3) They show significant signs of confusion and/or forgetfulness on numerous occasions. 4) They put on shows of over-confidence to cover for a concealed lack of genuine self-confidence and a weak self-esteem. 5) They oversimplify complex situations because they cannot deal with ambiguity, paradox and mystery over which they cannot be in control. 6) They have few, if any, honest and authentically intimate friends. 7) They limit their associations, and the associations of their closest friends, to a very few persons with a narrow range of attitudes and experiences. 8) Much of their behavior is motivated by fears. 9) They reject people whose values and ideals are significantly different than their own. 10) They make the same mistake repeatedly, showing little sign of learning from their mistakes. 11) They fail to keep promises explicitly and implicitly made. 12) They avoid making their views and intentions explicitly known, so as to take advantage of ambiguities and confusions which are avoidable. 13) They are ready, willing and regard themselves as clearly able to pass proper judgement upon others' behaviors. 14) They are overly confident where there is room for reasonable doubt. 15) They are dominated by the attitudes, values, ideals, language, and concepts of the objective paradigm. 16) There are no public signs of involvement in any widely respected intimate personal relationship in which sexuality plays a significant role. 17) They are preoccupied with perfection and the avoidance of making mistakes. 18) They are preoccupied with the impressions they make on others, and how to improve those impressions. 19) They are constantly seeking fixes for unsatisfactory situations. 20) They do not try to take as good care of themselves, as they try to take care of others. 21) They are convinced that they know how to tell the difference between good people and evil people. 22) They spend much of their leisure time with people about whom there is reasonable doubt regarding sexual maturity. In an addictive society is is difficult to find any people about whom there will be no doubt regarding sexual maturity. It is possible, however, to find some people about whom there is much less reason for doubt than for others. It is wise to trust those about whom there is the least reason for doubt, even though it is unlikely there will be no reason for doubt regarding their sexual maturity and integrity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================