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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8910181.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ADDICT CODEPEND DISHONEST SUBSTITUTION PRETENSE 891018 In seeking to cope with addictive and codependent behavior it is helpful to recognize that often such behavior is dominated by dishonest substitutions. In dishonest substitutions addicts and codependents pretend that they can satisfy a basic human need with a substitute which may appear to be what is needed, desired, yearned for, etc. What is wrong with such a substitution is that the substitute is inappropriate, inadequate, fails to satisfy; and there is dishonesty about the fact that there is a substitution being made and that the substitute fails in fundamental ways to be adequate. Addicts and codependents pretend otherwise. Gasoline will not adequately substitute for water in most situations, even though both are liquids. Sugar will usually not substitute for salt, even though both are crystalline substances. Sex will not substitute for love. Acting does not substitute for authenticity. Optimism does not substitute adequately for realism. Inappropriate substitutions made in confusion and efforts to deceive lead to tragic situations. Expressing the anger of childhood in doing violence to a spouse chosen to remind you of a violent parent does not adequately substitute for realism and authentic mourning regarding a tragic childhood. Repressing adult sexuality does not adequately substitute for honestly facing and learning to understand sexual abuse in earlier years. Pretending that problems are due to failures of others, or due to fate, is an inadequate substitute for changing misleading assumptions, attitudes and beliefs. Addiction and codependence involve many dishonest substitutions which are made in confusion and/or in efforts to mislead self and other as participants in collusions. It will be helpful to recognize and clarify the nature of the substitutions which are made and the ways in which their is dishonesty in the making of the substitution; especially in cases where the dishonesty leads to confusion chosen to obscure the truth of what is being done. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================