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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8907281.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %JACK & JILL BECOME ADDICTED TO EACH OTHER'S LOVE 890728 Jack and Jill think that they are falling in love; but in reality they are becoming addicted to each other. Jack and Jill are becoming exclusive in their intimacy towards each other, regarding each as the possession of the other to be controlled and cherished as a most dear possession. Each is encouraged by the possessive attention of the other, regarding it as if it were genuine love. Each is coming to depend upon the other for their own self esteem. Jack and Jill seem to be intimate with each other, but they are not being true to themselves or to each other with anything like personal integrity. Their intimacy is not authentic; it is part of an addictive/codependent game of mutual self deception. The intensity of their relationships is a measure of its compulsive desperation, not a measure of its real meaning. Because they cannot be true to themselves or to each other Jack and Jill are trying to be conventionally intimate; trying to fulfill conventional expectations of such relationships. They are trying to appear to be truly intimate within conventional expectations in a addictive/codependent society dominated by collusive games of mutual self deception. The society encourages them in their increasingly exclusive dependence upon each other, viewing it as a sign of their mutual dedication to each other for better or for worse; but in their case it is mostly for a worsening relationship of attempted mutual manipulation and control. Jack and Jill are now intimate primarily in coercive, manipulative and violent ways. They bump from crisis to crisis; crises which are managed by them to break through the numbness of their acquired insensitivity to each other's pretensions. To live with their mutual manipulations, coercions and violence they have become insensitive; but they can not stand the monotony of no sensations, and engineer crises to break through the monotony. In their crises they appear to each other to regain some measure of intimacy, as they try to rescue themselves and their relationship from the crisis which they created. Then they need some monotony to recover from the crisis, before their next engineered crisis, to recover from the monotony of recovery. It is a deadly spiral downward. Jack and Jill's intimacy is not really a true relationship of conventional intimacy; but neither is it truly an unconventional relationship of authentic intimacy. Yet for a long time it will not be apparent to Jack or Jill or to others, that their relationship is one of addiction to and codependence upon each other. They are skillful in misleading each other and others around them. They and others are becoming progressively more and more confused about what is, and what is not happening. They are disintegrating because they are not being true to themselves or to each other. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================