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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8903111.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %DEFINE ADDICTION POWER DECEIVE TEMPT LIE HONEST 890311 Anne Wilson Schaef in her book "When Society Becomes an Addict" seeks to clarify the root character of addiction; pointing to powerlessness, compulsive and obsessive behavior, deception, denial, covering up, temptations to lie and unwillingness to give up an addictive behavior pattern. Schaef defines addiction thus: "An addiction is anything we feel tempted to lie about. An addiction is anything we are not willing to give up (we may not have to give it up and we must be willing to do so to be free of addiction.)" This is a useful definition, yet there are problems with it. In an addictive society patterns of collusive games of mutual self deception make it difficult to survive while always being open and honest about yourself and your relationships with others. The society requires deception as a condition for survival. Any direct threat to the games of mutual self deception can be very costly to the person who does not play according to the rules of mutual self deception. In an addictive society the person of integrity will inevitably be tempted to be less than fully open and honest; i.e., tempted to leave others with less than fully accurate impressions of them. There are no clear boundaries between outright false statements made with full knowledge that they are false, and behaviors which leave others with false impressions. In some circumstances it is virtually impossible to avoid leaving some people with false impressions. They do not want to know the truth. They make false assumptions about possible alternatives, and draw unwarranted conclusions on the basis of people's behavior as to which alternatives are pointed to by people's behavior. If as colluders they exclude from possible consideration the real situation, then it is impossible to avoid leaving them with a false impression. When confronted with colluders determined to be left with false impressions, it is not necessarily integrative to make a frontal attack upon their collusion in an effort to avoid leaving a false impression. In a addictive society the best that integrative people can do is to seek to move human relationships in the direction of open and honest conversations, and so towards conversions. This may entail wise choices as to when to confront the dishonest games of addicts and codependents; often leaving colluders with less than fully accurate impressions. It is not always easy to tell when another person is ready for and willing to accept the truth in an integrative way. It may be wise to refrain from presenting a truth too forcefully; to call each consideration of such restraint a temptation to lie about an addiction is itself to participate in the addictive/codependent paradigm. The reality of lying and deception entails more than just one person. The persons who are mislead often play just as significant a role in the deception as do the people whose behavior and communications may be regarded as lacking in honesty. People who are unwilling to accept and respect honest communication bear as much responsibility for misleading behaviors and communications as do the people who actively engage in misleading behaviors and communications. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================