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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %RECOGNIZE DIFFERENCE AUTHENTIC PERVERT LOVE WISE 881226 The integrity of a community and its members depends upon their ability and practice, in wisely recognizing and dealing with the differences between authentic and perverted love. Authentic love leads people to be open and honest about their desires to enjoy personal and communal integrity. In authentic love relationships, people who are secure in honestly being the unique people they are, seek to be united in cooperative efforts with other people who are likewise secure in honestly being their own unique selves. Perverted love leads people to be deceptive about their desire to be powerful and in control, to compensate for their lack of personal and communal integrity. In perverted love people who are insecure and lack self esteem, seek to use each other in defensive maneuvers to try to get fixes for their own lacks. They who lack authentic love seek to substitute for it the fixes of perverted love. Their success in the pretense is a measure of their desperation. All too often "falling in love" is the process of becoming trapped in mutually addictive relationships in which each participant is addicted to the other person as a fix for personal inadequacies. Authentic love is not a fix that compensates for personal inadequacies. In authentic intimate relationships the participants are not trapped in the relationship. Their authentic relationship is not an exclusive focus of their lives, but rather a relationship which puts their whole life in focus in such a way as to promote both personal and communal integrity. Authentic love promotes open and honest communication. Perverted love seeks to control communications according to some preconceived pattern of what is proper to the person seeking to be in control, legitimate or advantageous. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================