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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PERSONAL ADDICT CODEPENDENT PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP 880628 People who are trapped in addictive codependent personal relationships see each other as an essential part of themselves and regard that bond as the bond of love. Such people can not depend upon themselves as able to stand by themselves. Such people view themselves as essentially dependent upon each other, and are terrified at the thought of making it on their own. Because they lack self esteem they do not esteem each other. Because they do not esteem each other they find it impossible to respect each other and cooperate with each other as respected equals. To bolster their own self esteem they seek to lower each other's self esteem, and drag each other down in the process. People who are trapped in addictive codependent personal relationships try to use each other in deceptive coercive ways. Each views the other as a means to an end: support in coping and support in feeling needed. They make a tacit deal to fill each other's needs without mutual respect or cooperation, taking from each other what they want, but never giving each other anything of any significance or showing any genuine appreciation which might be honestly reflective of any genuine personal need. Because addictive relationships are fundamentally defensive relationships of insecure people they honesty and genuine intimacy which entails vulnerability. Addictive relationships are full of misleading attempts to control each other in order to gain something for self through the exercise of control over the other. The dominantly addictive member controls through dependency. The dominantly codependent member controls through provisions. The dependent partner provides the dependency which the codependent needs. The codependent partner provides the assistance and support which the dependent partner needs. Neither respects the other for what is provided, but both are terrified at the possible loss of what the other provides. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================