blog traffic analysis
This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %DETACHING FROM OTHERS' PROBLEM 870601 Often our problem is that we attach ourselves to problems which belong to other people; we try to take their problems away from them, perhaps out of a charitable sense of duty or responsibility to lighten their burden. There are times when it is possible to be helpful to other people by offering assistance. There are times when people must do for themselves what no other person can do for them. In the latter instances attempting to do for them what they must do for themselves harms both the person "helped" and the "helper". It is important to know the difference between the various kinds of instances, and to respect people's need to own their own problems and to deal honestly with their own problems themselves. It does not help a person to have their own problems stolen from them. Paternalistic people need to learn that they do not help others by attaching themselves to others' problems. Paternalistic people need to learn to detach themselves from the problems which they have stolen; problems which do not really belong to them. People who have problems stolen from them are both pleased and resentful; doomed to have ambivalent feelings toward the thief. They are tempted to manipulate the thief to cause the thief to steal more problems, and at the same time to hate the thief for stealing their dignity. They do not know how to escape the trap created by the paternalistic thief who is locked with them in an addictive relationship of co- dependence. The paternalistic thief feels driven by a sense of responsibility to lift others' burdens, and by a deep need to be needed by people who are co-dependent with them because of their addiction to the help which is offered in relieving them of the responsibility to deal with their own problems. Each is the victim of their joint relationship; resenting each other while trapped in a needful relationship without any genuine satisfaction of felt needs. As it progresses the relationship becomes more and more need-full, and less and less satisfying. The participants in an addictive co-dependent relationship need to detach themselves from the problems which genuinely belong to others, and to assume honest responsibility for their own problems and actions. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================