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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %NON-COERCIVE DESIRES 860626 Desires and expectations are often coercive, laying on another person an unwelcome threat of psychological punishment if the desires/expectations are not satisfied. Not all desires and expectations are coercive. In healthy intimate relationships desires and expectations are non- coercive. Whether desires/expectations are, or are not, coercive depends upon the nature of the relationship between the person with the desires/expectations and the possible "victim"; and upon each one's perceptions of that relationship, and upon each one's perception's of the other's perceptions, etc. In these matters we are not dealing with objective realities whose existence is independent of perception. What is perceived as regards coercion or not, depends upon what each perceives regarding the nature of each other's overall dedication: how integrative is it? How balanced as regards what is/not to be integrated? Persons? Individuals? Experiences? Ideas? Ideals? Values? Relationships? When a person is not clearly dedicated to both personal and communal integrity---the probability of perceiving non-coercive desires is not as great as when a person is clearly dedicated to both personal and communal integrity. What we may with reason expect of a person depends upon that person's most fundamental dedication. Thus what we may with reason desire to do with, and how we may desire to be with a person---will naturally depend upon how we perceive that person's dedications to relate to our integrity and to the integrity of our community. When a person is clearly dedicated to promoting integrity as fully as possible---we have little reason to fear coercive desires and expectations on the part of such an integrative person. Our desires and expectations may reasonably become mutual in profound and meaningful ways. Intimacy with vulnerability become possible, and so security is realized and enjoyed without defensiveness or the costs of being defensive. Collusions and taboos are pointless in such a community of integrative persons who are involved in I-Thou relationships which are characterized by openness and honesty---in reflexive relationships which are objectively informed and realistic. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================