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                           %UNBALANCED DISTINCTIONS 860422

     People  who  are  starved for affection  because they
receive  little  affection  are prone  to  attempt  to  be
distinctive  and attract  attention to themselves.   It is
easier to be distinctive by being different in  unbalanced
ways than by being different in balanced ways.   There are
more easy ways to be different in unbalanced  ways,   than
there are easy ways to be different in balanced ways.   In
the absence of energy  and  creative imagination,   people
tend  toward behaviors  characteristic of the large number
of  easy  ways  of being  different;  rather  than  toward
behavior  which is characteristic  of  the small number of
balanced ways of being different.

     We  may  be  different by  being  unbalanced  through
exclusivity.   Social clubs,  stores, homes, schools, etc.
often seek to be different by whom  they  exclude.    They
achieve distinction at the expense of balance. Exclusivity
as   a  means  to  distinction  leads  to  imbalance   and
insecurity  which  feeds  back  insecurity  and  lack   of
affection, which motivate people to try to be distinctive.

     Exclusivity  may  put  on the mask  of  righteousness
"earned"  by avoiding "evil"  behavior which is defined in
terms of taboos, prohibitions, expectations, requirements,
etc.  In such a view the righteous people are those who do
not   do  prohibited  acts.    The  most   righteous   and
distinctive people are  those most successful in specified
inaction.    Through  efforts toward inaction there  is  a
tendency to exclude acts which  might be  regarded  as too
much like those which are taboo---leading to the exclusion
of needful behavior which  might  be  mistaken  for  taboo
behavior---and so leading to imbalance.

     The  distinction  of extreme behavior is more notable
than  the distinction of creative balance.   The  fastest,
biggest,  smallest, etc.  tends to get more attention than
the most coherent, integrative, complete, whole, etc. That
which  is  distinctive  by  being  extreme gets attention.
People who are  starved for attention therefore tend to go
to extremes, rather than to seek balance.

     Starving  people  by withholding affection  tends  to
drive    them    to   unbalanced   extremes   which    are
disintegrative.    Withholding affection as punishment for
misbehavior  is  not an integrative way  of  dealing  with
human relational dilemmas.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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